Support for Divorced Women

There is a known formula to success for church members: praying to God, reading your scriptures, helping others, and regularly attending church. There is a power in the things you believe, that allows them to anchor, guide, help, and inspire you. Christian women, even those who are going through separation and divorce can benefit from these powerful tools. Sometimes separated and divorced women, such as I, may also need additional support for their struggles that not all members may understand or need. For example, a break from callings and receiving counseling services. 

But one thing that is important and needed, but often missing is support from their fellow members. This “missing” feeling of support is not due to someone being intentionally unkind. It is because of things that fall out of the ideal of society, religion, or culture like divorce, members do not speak about enough. As a Christian church, understandably we spend time talking about the Godly marriages we desire to have, but not enough on what happens when a woman finds herself divorced and raising multiple children alone? There should be more talk on how to help the individuals of a family torn apart by divorce. More on how they can heal, move forward, find hope, and believe again.

 

While it may not be easy at first, I believe talking about divorce can bring about the change of normalizing support. It is okay that you do not know what to say to a woman who is hurting. Or have the right or perfect words readily. Sometimes just listening or just being there is enough.

I am fortunate to have found a little of this support. I am grateful to a couple of bishops who have understood and the few women from my church who have loved on me in the past few years in my hurt state. For those church members who have been willing to do this as my life no longer mirrors the “ideal” look of my religion and culture (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) that I spent years, dreaming, planning, preparing, and living. Those who are trying to reach me as I feel separated from the fold.

 

I know it can be hard for the supporting members to spot that ember of change in me when everything good about our faith triggers in me painful reminders of not having the “ideal.” There is a song from “The Ten Virgins: A Musical Parable” that can describe what their words of encouragement, acts of service, kindness, and patience is doing for me. Here are the lyrics to a song that can convey more adequately the light your support can give to another in their darkest of nights:

 

Until (Dina’s Song) – Singer, Hilary Weeks

“It’s in your eyes. But hard to see.

You’ve hidden it well, still, I sense your need.

But you don’t have to walk alone.

I know a simple way to brighten up your road.

 

I will fill my vessel and light my flame.

And I will wait with you. I will stay with you.

Until your heart begins to mend and the last tear falls.

Until the shadows of the evening have given way to morning,

And a flicker of hope returns.

And your own light burns.

 

I’ve weathered storms. I’ve felt the pounding rain.

And I am no stranger to grief and pain.

But through it all, His love has been true.

I want to share the hope and peace I found with you.

 

So, I will fill my vessel and light my flame.

And I will wait with you. I will stay with you.

Until your heart begins to mend and the last tear falls.

Until the shadows of the evening have given way to morning,

And a flicker of hope returns.

And your own light burns.

The Ten Virgins: A Musical Parable

Until (Dina’s Song) – Singer, Hilary Weeks

Last Edited: January 29, 2022