First I want to say, this isn't a shaming post to shame anyone who made the choice to circumcise, it's not pro or anti either. It's about my experience.
It's taken me awhile to write this. Mainly because I have had so many different thoughts on this controversial topic through the different parts of making the decision and living with what I have decided. I grew up with the idea that people circumcised their sons. I heard references in religions. I also know for my own religion, there is no official stance on do it or don't do it, its up to the parents to decide with God what is best for their child. I also have heard the concerns about the locker room, whether the child would be different from his peers. To the other extreme, where you are taking the choice from your baby to do a life altering procedure. Some insurance such as Medicaid considers it to be a cosmetic procedure and will not pay. I was told by my child's pediatrician, its always changing what circumcision is classified as under insurance. To the words of Babies even under anesthesia feel pain and in circumcision babies may not cry because they are in shock from the pain... I made this decision going into it unsure, not being swayed one way or another by either side of the fence. I was in the middle and my husband was on the side for it. I didn't know what choice I was going to make my entire pregnancy, after my son was born and for those 2 weeks we waited. No matter how hard I thought about it, the little anti and pro I read on this topic, I remained confused.
Here is where I am at with the choice I once made to circumcise. I explain it through responses I gave to this situation: a conflict between a gal who had not circumcised her son vs her sister who had circumcised all of hers. The two sisters were disagreeing until they came to a point where it was just pointless, each had said their peace and no more could be said. The sister who had not circumcised reached out to her friends online on the matter of what they thought and these were my replies to her and the other women who commented:
On My Choice
I think sometimes when people have made the choices they have made, it is more of a need to prove to themselves that they are not a bad parent. They are still a good parent just doing the best they can. It's an issue they have to deal with and overcome that often has nothing to do with the person who is giving them good information. I was a mom who had disagreements with her husband about it, I didn't know if it was for our family, I cried before the procedure, I made myself watch the procedure, I stood horrified worried for my baby, is he in shock, is he okay, forcing myself to stay with him through 5 mins of heck. He is 12 months now and every time I think about the fact that I let him have a circumcision because my husband felt it was so important at the time (he is just as horrified and doesn't think so anymore), I literally feel like I am a bad mother, because what's done is done. I can't undo it. However, I don't think arguing on either side does much to change what has been done or prove anyone's point effectively though. When people are fighting, not much listen is happening with both sides trying to prove their point. I've been there with my family members about co-sleeping, why I cloth diaper, why I stopped doing time outs, why crying it out didn't work for us and I am met with that defensiveness, but I'm still a good mother too kind of attitude / there is no right way to parent to defend their side. I think the best ways to deal with those on these types of topics are with compassion, empathy, patience and understanding and no judgment. You may not know the things she keeps to herself about it. I know although I will never be able to let any future sons be circumcise, I literally feel a piece of my heart break when I hear / read articles about the horror of circumcision, worried that my son will grow up hating me no matter how amazing of a mother those who know me say I am.
Working On Forgiving Myself
Thanks for your kind comments ladies. I am so sensitive about this, broke down in tears even writing it. I know its something I will have to move pass eventually. I already forgave my husband a long time ago for not knowing, just not myself. You know thinking moms are their children's biggest advocates and feeling like I failed. But in time I am sure I will, since the only option is to fall apart or be made stronger and move on at this point.Thank you. I didn't mean to cause you so much concern for my well being. I am going to move pass it. I work at it a little at time by trying to remind myself that I am my children's example of the importance to giving forgiveness to others, including to one's self. So I am motivated to get pass it. I don't want them to grow up filled with regret and self loathe because that is the example they got whenever a mistake was made. ( I have been reassured by my mommy friends, most children grow up to realize that their parents are not perfect and are doing the best they can with the knowledge they have.)
What I learned:
1) Before making a decision, do your research. 2) Don't make decisions when you are feeling pressured to give an answer. Take your time, think it through before deciding. Same goes for a couple. Make decisions when you are able to compromise or are on the same page. Don't just jump into it undecided, you may regret it or one or both persons may have resentment. For religious couples, I recommend praying about important decisions and not deciding until you have included God in the equation. Sometimes we get very busy or very prideful and think we should be able to make decisions on our own, but sometimes we need His help. In this decision, my husband and I both didn't kneel down as a couple to ask for His help since we were divided with our thoughts on the subject. Know what you want to do and go into it as a team. My husband and I went divided, which is one reason for the regret.
3) If you are someone or a couple who does regret the decision in the end ( I am not saying everyone says they do) learn to forgive your partner. Also learn to forgive yourself - That's the final and probably hardest step when moving on from mistakes. If are someone who regret it, there are support groups for moms / parents who regret getting their child circumcised where they can freely discuss their feelings of regret in hopes to help each other move pass it. I was someone who needed this, because as a mom I could not stop beating myself up over this. I openly shared with a support group I joined, "It is very hard to read / see [anti-circumcision literature / parents who circumcised as bad]. It reminds me of this choice I didn't know enough about. If I had known how it would make me feel to see it, to live with the regret, I'd undo it in a heart beat to spare myself this pain and shame."
"It can always be done later....but it can never be undone"
quoted from blog: http://www.moreorlesscrunchy.com/2013/07/top-5-newborn-routine-procedures-to.html
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