Letters To My Daughter

Why I Don't Wear Make Up All The Time

I was having a conversation with some one about make up. Some thoughts for why I don't wear make up all the time (I am not saying I don't ever wear it), besides skin that occasionally likes to break out from using the product, the natural stuff can be terribly expensive and my eyes occasionally like to give me styes without the added use of make up irritating it. One big reason, bigger than all of those reasons to not wear make up all the time, is because of her.

 Her eyes looking at me through the mirror and watching what I do. The mini version of myself imitating what she sees me do. I guess another reason I don't wear make up all the time, is because I want my daughter to know that I find myself beautiful with or without it, and I don't need it to be beautiful. I feel like having the reminder of that fact that she is watching me when I get ready, stresses the  important lesson that children learn by example, not just by the words you preach. 

So am I pinching my sides thinking I have love handles, am I twisting and turning in the mirror looking at myself with a frown and sucking in my stomach that bore two beautiful children,  am I fretting over my curls, am I spending a long time getting ready applying make up or changing my out fit a bunch of times to find the perfect outfit? Or am I spending my morning routine, kneeling beside my bed when I wake up to say my prayers, reading my scriptures, making my bed, eating breakfast with my family, making my routine about hygiene,shower, deodorant, brush teeth, wash face, comb hair, clean underwear and outfit. And I guess the first step of her looking in the mirror and liking what she sees is seeing her mom do it first.

How Important It Is To Really Take The Time To See Myself

I had a question, what do people think of me as a christian woman, a wife, as a mom, as a daughter? How do they see me, my marriage, my home, my parenting? And a better thought came along. There are only a few opinions that matter the most, followed by your spouse and children - the way God thinks of me, the way my savior sees me, and how I think and see myself. I need to spend more time seeing myself the way my savior does - he is more merciful, kind, judges fairly, understands the intents of our hearts better than I ever do. It's so easy to be hard on ourselves and to get lost in this idea of reaching unobtainable perfection. It is easy to forget we are human beings. Perfection is a star out of reach. Its about the journey not the destination. It's not about the mistakes made, not beating yourself up with regret,  looking at the lows and struggles as opportunities to grow and learn. Sometimes just looking in the mirror and learning to like what you see, loving yourself for where and who you are, not  just where and who you want to be.

Why I Keep A Journal For Her and Me

So my sweet and very inquisitive daughter has been asking if there is a baby in my tummy and sharing with me her desires for a sibling for a few months now. These requests have been very specific, from wanting 2 baby brothers and 1 sister, to just a sister or a brother any given day.  (Before anyone asks, no there is not a baby in my tummy). Rather than attempt to explain the complexities of a body needing to return to normal after having a baby, especially when extended breastfeeding a toddler, I told her that she could always pray for a sibling. This is becoming a wonderful opportunity to teach her that you can always pray for your worthy desires.  However, just because we ask, does not always mean we will get it right away or the answers we want. I am even sharing with her how I grew up as an only child, I wanted siblings for years until I was old enough to understand my mother was no longer able to have children. However, at 23 I got a step brother. So my prayers were answered, just not when I had asked or how I thought it would be. I keep a prayer request section in my journal when I remember to write for me (to leave behind for my kids one day), and it has been neat to see in the past the things I have prayed for and the answers I received. It is always a humbling experience to go through and a pleasant reminder to know my prayers are heard. Even when something is lost, like my husband’s keys that had been lost for a few days and turned up at Wal-Mart, she knows when things are lost, that we can pray for help to find them. I am going to surprise her with her own journal, and help her document in these early years the things that she is praying for. I hope this will be one of many opportunities to strengthen her faith.

Teach By Example, Not By Words Alone

I have a 4.5 year old. She is watching my husband and I all the time, and its easy to forget until she says things we say. I do not curse or use crude language. But she may say something like, "that crosses a line. It is not okay." And those are my words. It's always strange to hear them say or use words they hear you say. And if I feel myself loosing patience and say "Mom is starting to loose patience, can you help me, please. When you are not listening, its hard for mom to stay patient."  And she may throw my words back at me, where then I have to be like. "Okay, mommy is sorry. It is important for mommy to be patient. Let's make a deal, I'll work on being more patient and you, work on listening to mom the first time." Sadly, it has happened a time or two. So when I get upset over things, I have to be aware she is watching for my reactions. My kids know when something is wrong, because they ask, "mom, are you okay?" Even my 20 month old, when I get hurt is like, "Mom, ok?" And I feel like I can preach to my kids all day long about what is right and wrong, how to act not to act, but I remember a church talk that said the most important way of teaching that will stick with them is by example. That is what I am going to try to do.