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Erotica..Helpful or Harmful to Marriages?

Question:
Can a Christian woman read erotica 
to help her get in the mood sexually for her spouse?

Are All Romance Novels Erotic?

  • Clean
No. Not all romance novels are considered erotic. I feel like there are 3 levels of romance novels. There are "clean" romance novels that contain no sex scenes. Mild ones that might have hand-holding, kissing, and the suggestion that sex occurred without the details. An example of this category would be the Christian Love Inspired romance books.

  • Romantic
There are some romance novels that contain sex but aren't considered "erotic". They are generally found in the romance section for adults and Teen Romance for Young Adults in a bookstore. An example of this would be Harlequin romance for adults or Twilight Saga for adults and teens.

  • Erotic
However, there are "adult" romance novels that are considered erotic. They may contain explicit language and graphic sex scenes. You know if you have stumbled upon these kinds of books if they are found in the adult section of a regular bookstore. If you go into an adult specialty store or store that sells adult products in the back, like Spencers. If you're viewing an X-rated website. An example of an erotic fiction would be Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.



I had unintentionally been introduced to my mother's romance novels at a young age. I had always been drawn to their beautiful covers, and by 9-10 years old I started reading my first romance novel. There were only a few occasions where it dawned on me that there was disapproval by this decision, although no one ever outright said it was wrong or explained why they felt it was wrong for me to read it or to read it at such an impressionable age. These brief encounters of disapproval were when I brought my romance novel to school in the fifth grade during my lunch hour and it was taken away by a cafeteria aid. (Although I will include, my own mother did want me to wait  to read them, when she became aware of my interest in  them. I was around 9-10 years old and I had discovered a word I did not know and dared to ask her what it meant. The word was virgin, which I had also heard from a group of my friends during afterschool program, because a few of the girls asked every girl in the group if she was a virgin. There were snickers if you said yes and snickers if you said no, and snickers if you didn't know and I really didn't understand what it all meant.) Or in seventh grade and eleventh grade, when we were asked to bring books of our choice for silent sustained reading- a program to encourage the youth to read, and my teachers asked if my parents were aware I was reading romance novels. By this point, 12-16, I had already become an avid reader and my mother was aware I enjoyed reading romance novels. My mother read romance novels herself, starting with the dime novels she would get in the Caribbean in her youth. My mother never had erotica in our home, so it only seemed when I first saw erotica that I would consider it an extension of romance novels, but I discovered how wrong I was with a much shorter read and even more sexually graphic than anything I had read before. I have actually read similar stories from women who became avid romance readers in their youth and how this led to the unknown door of erotica either in their youth or as an adult, and from there some even began watching pornography. It was then as a single, young adult woman, I had decided reading romance novels with sex, any form of erotica or teen and adult magazines that discussed sex and sexuality were not for me and would not help me in keeping my goals to abstain from premarital sex. As a young married woman and new mother who had gone a few years without reading romance novels and teen / adult magazines, I began to hear more about married women and mothers reading them, and some moms even reading erotica or "mommy porn." This led me to wonder, what is acceptable in intimacy from a religious standpoint? 

Now back to the topic at hand, can erotica be helpful in a marriage? 
I am sharing some Christian perspectives on the topic to help bring some clarity, 
click on the links to read about these perspectives.


One thing that I love is that we have agency. We don't just have to take someone's word that something is good or bad, we can use our agency to discern if it's true and if religious, ask God in prayer, if its right for us.

Bibliography
Slattery, Juli, Dannah Gresh, and Pam Wood. "Erotica, Women and Marriage." Focus On The Family. Juli Slattery, Dannah Gresh, Focus on The Family, n.d. Web. 15 Nov. 2015. <http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex-and-intimacy/erotica-women-and-marriage/erotica-women-and-marriage>.

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