Taking My Childrens Toys Away: What I Learned

What I Learned From Doing This Experiment 

I have constant power struggles with my children over their toys. Toys are everywhere. The stairs. The sofas. Their rooms. The bathroom. The floor. Their bed. Underneath the bed. Out of desperation, one day I decided to do two different things, take away their toys and give them back only some. I learned a couple of things on this journey about myself and my kids.

• Parenting Realizations  

No. 1: Giving Your Kids Everything Does Not Equal Good Parenting

I went in thinking I was going to better at managing my children's toy clutter. I didn't expect to learn anything about me in the process. I believe there are other parents out there who do this too. We love our children so much - so we give them a little too much. Now, giving to my kids is not bad in general. I am a firm believer, you can never give too much of your love, affection, attention, and time to your children. However, it easy for me to give too much of the treats in excess. The unique things in a limited amount would be perfectly acceptable. But in big doses, it's too much. You've heard of that saying: Too much of a good thing is a bad thing? 

These particular things I am referring to are screen time: TV, Tablet, and Computer. Candy as gifts around the holidays: Valentine's Day, Easter, and Halloween. Frequent special treats, such as fast food, candy, and ice cream. Or the giant pile of toys for birthdays and Christmas. Why did I do this? At first, I thought I just being a good mother. As part of being a good parent, I am supposed to provide a roof over my children's head, food on the table, clothes on their back, shoes on their feet, and some toys to play with, right? 

No. 2: Parents Can Be Part of The Problem Too

Then I realized giving too much to my children was a parent problem, not a kid one. There were a couple of different reasons. I wanted to be better than my parents and have my kids be better than me. Again, nothing wrong with that. Except I thought to do that my children needed the best of my husband and mine's childhoods and everything we ever felt we missed out on. An impossible task. There is no such thing as a perfect childhood. Or a childhood that is always good. Life isn't like that either.

Not to mention having too much creates ungratefulness, entitlement, and an inability to be satisfied. It also prevents a person from being able to develop a sense of hard work and ethics. I was trying to give my children the childhood I wished I had. A fantasy. A childhood my kids never asked for or honestly needed. They don't need every toy I had and never had as a child to feel loved, safe, and secure. The same goes for elaborate family trips. Seeing or owning every Disney movie. They're nice to have and experience in small doses.

No. 3: Parents Can Have Unrealistic Expectations (Even Unintentionally)

My husband and I ended up giving them so many toys we had overwhelmed them. I know how I feel when my entire house needs to be clean. I have no idea where to start. So many things to do. It takes a really long time to clean. I promise myself I will not let it get this messy again, until of course the next time. Well, because life happens and we're human. We're busy. There is not enough time. We get sick. Our entire family gets sick. School and homework happen. Work. So why should I expect, my much younger children not to get overwhelmed when the floor of a room is covered in toys? Or that they won't do it again?

Why should I expect them to in a matter of seconds devise a plan and have it completely figured out and executed in five minutes or less? It takes me much longer to clean a messy house or room than five minutes and some time to figure out a plan. But from my child's perspective, that pile of toys can be like my adult perspective of cleaning an entire house or messy room. Part of the power struggles was as parents we had unreasonable expectations with our kids cleaning up when we were providing them with too many toys and trying to give them a toy/play room.

No. 4: Giving Everything Is A False Parenting Success 

Over the years of birthdays, Christmas, and other gift-giving related holidays and occasions, my children began to accumulate a lot of things in a few short years. Seeing how much stuff your kids can give a parent a false sense of your kids being well taken care of because they have all these clothes, shoes, books, and toys or their own bedrooms. Having all of those things does not mean much if you lose your job and can not pay for a roof over year head. If your work hours get cut, and you fall behind on your bills, and your power or cable gets turned off. Or if you have to downsize and pick and choose only some items for your reduced living space.

No. 5: Not All Gifts Need To Be Purchased Brand New

One thing I really struggled with as I started rounding up my children's toys, one bag at a time, is seeing hundred of dollars of toys going to waste. I put broken toys into the trash and unplayed toys into donation bags. I tried to wrap my head around how much money we wasted buying so many toys brand new. How much debt we acquired to give our children these new and exciting toys, that months later remained on the floor, under their beds, in toy boxes or stored somewhere in our garage forgotten. Why did we invest so much money into material things? I considered if we did want to buy our child a toy or gadget, we should try to purchase it used rather than buy brand new whenever possible. If the item can only be purchased brand new, then buying it when it is on sale or clearance and significantly below retail price or consider not buying it at all if you can't find it previously used for a much lower price. Bottom line, your child can love a used toy in good condition as much as a brand new toy. Read more about it here.

• My Children Have A Lot of Toys (More Than They Need)

No. 1: Gifts Is Not The Love Language Of All Kids

Although the 5 Love Language has giving gifts as one of Love Languages, this is a false assumption that all children have gifts as their primary love language. In fact, there are times my kids are more excited about opening their presents than actually playing with everything they got. There are even times, after birthdays and Christmas, we still have unopened gifts that no one misses. Or toys they have, but hardly played with.

No. 2: More Toys Mean More Money On Toy Organization

One thing I have realized is the more toys my children get with each birthday and Christmas and in all the occasions in between, the more I buy toy storage to house all of these things and rooms to store it in. I've tried creating half of a bedroom into a play room and converting my entire garage into a play area.

No. 3: More Things Mean More Clutter & Clean Ups

The more things my children have, the more my home screams clutter! And honestly, the more stuff we have, the more time our family has to spend on cleaning up. I can't tell you how many times, my children have lost screen time because the didn't want to clean up. Or got a toy taken away because they couldn't share. Or come to me with a toy that hadn't been properly caring for and I have to say sorry, it's broken and toss it. Now there is not anything wrong with those consequences per say, but when you find yourself having to do that every day, multiple times a day, the idea of my children having all these toys are not worth the power struggles.

No. 4: My Kids Are Okay Without So Many Toys 

I thought my kids were going to lose it when my husband and I decided to take away their toys. At first, they were upset, but then my children actually started helping to remove the toys from their room. At some point, we gave them all the toys back, and our kids were upset with having to clean up so much to a point, they would rather have the consequence of mom and dad cleaning up the mess and taking their toys away. When I removed all the Happy Meal Type toys from their regular toys, and any toys that were colored with crayon and pen marks and donated or tossed, they were disappointed and sad at first. A month later, they would even say, "Remember how we got rid of the McDonald toys?" I kept waiting for the crisis to hit, they'll watch too much TV without their toys. Or they tell me how much they miss the toys and I will just crack under pressure. They'll want to play with me all the time, and there will be nothing for them to play with when I need to do other things. What will they play with on playdates? What I envisioned with my imagination is more dramatic and upsetting than the reality. Here was the reality when I started donating old unplayed toys and getting rid of broken toys. Yeah, my three-year-old was sad when a fire truck that was miss pieces was given, but then he went home to where he had other cars to play with. If you were to ask him about it, it's what broken fire truck? 

No. 5: Less Is More

We wanted our children to have fewer toys to end the cycle of power struggles of them making messes, being overwhelmed by their messes, and resisting cleaning up. Even though we feel like they don't need hundreds of toys, we still wanted them to have some toys. This is still a work in progress, but we have decided to ask family and friends to contribute money to other aspects of the children's lives, such as activities, materials for these activities, college fund, and family trips rather than toys. We're trying to have a Christ Centered Christmas and not spend a lot of money on gifts, and toy related gifts for a few Christmases. We're also going to try to spring cleaning and decluttering with each new season a little more often, to reduce the clutter that builds up over time. The goal is to have fewer toys in their room and to have bins of toys that can be rotated for fun activities too. We've already seen the success with this, as we keep a box of legos in a coat closet that we occasionally bring out when my husband and I are cleaning the house together. We're looking forward to all the wonderful changes this will bring to our home.

Last Edited: May 6, 2017