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ADHD & My Marriage: Intro


For 7 years of my marriage, neither my husband or I knew that my husband has adult ADHD. We didn’t know that ADHD has been affecting our relationship negatively for years. It’s been an “unknown” third wheel in our marriage.

While we didn’t know the name of this particular marital affliction, we always knew or sensed something was off in our marriage. We spent many years going to various marital counselors off and on with hopes of trying to understand all our issues and what we individually contributed to our marital problems. Is it “we were just incompatible.” And if we were, how did we miss all the red flags? Or better yet, did we just ignore them?

We didn’t know he had adult ADHD until we met with a particular marital counselor who specializes in ADHD and recognized the signs we had unknowingly missed. However, the signs were there. For example, my husband had a previous diagnosis as a child with ADHD. He took medication for a short time and that was it. We thought it was something he had “outgrown”. According to the article on Verywell.com called, “Do Kids Outgrow ADHD?” by Keath Low, “ADHD changes overtime, but it’s rarely outgrown...In most cases, kids with ADHD grow up to be adults with ADHD” (Low).

Before my husband’s new diagnosis, I sometimes wondered, if we were the only ones going through this.  Our marriage being too hard, we didn’t love each other enough, we’re too selfish or incompatible never felt like adequate explanations for the challenges. I knew in my heart, that there had to be a better reason to explain the random and frequent drive-by of heated disagreements, bewildering miscommunication, and poor resolutions. Think of the game mine craft. Sometimes you hit a mine, and other times you don’t. At times you hit mine after mine. Or hit no mines for a while, and think it’s too good to be true. The other shoe must be waiting to drop at any moment.

Sources
1.   Low,  Keath, and Steven Gans. “Do Kids With ADHD Become Adults With ADHD?” Verywell, Very Well.com, 15 Feb. 2017, www.verywell.com/do-kids-outgrow-adhd-20509.      

Last Edited: January 25, 2018
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