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Do I Stay? Or Do I Go?

Photo by Oliver Roos on Unsplash

I have experienced two separations. One where I stayed in the state my soon-to-be-ex and I were raising our children and surrounded by his family. And the other separation where I relocated out of state with my children near my family.

I think decisions, such as to stay married or get divorced and to live close or relocate often require deep reflection and guidance. When I made the decision to separate for the second time and the decision to relocate, I had been in weekly therapy for a year. And in frequent contact with my family, a few close friends and church members, and church leaders (my bishop, and the stake president). Even with a few faculty members at my university, who were helping me stay on track for graduating with my degrees.  


The guidance I received at the time was telling me it was time to start over. But that starting over needed to be divorced and in a place where I could thrive as a single mom. I questioned, prayed, and pleaded about everything for 4 months before I moved. Although it's hard for me to say, the relationship with my soon-to-be-ex and his family was unhealthy for me in many ways. To be fair, maybe the relationship with me was also unhealthy for them. I believe moving away, has improved my mental health and self-esteem. It will allow me to heal in ways I can only imagine. In ways, I would not have been able to fulfill if I stayed rooted closely in my old life. My first separation did not achieve change or a fresh start.


And I’ve started a change in my new separation by being conscious of the food I eat, losing weight, and saying yes to putting myself first in order to be a healthier and happier mom for my kids. Also, my youngest with special needs is receiving more resources than we had in our old town. This means we would need to move to find more resources anyways. The home I have now is safer than our old home and it allows me to provide him with a sensory space. Something I could only dream about in our old home that had no yard. I also had 6 months with just the kids and me to get settled, before my children's father moved into the area. That helped with starting our new life.


Additional Resources:

  • When to Divorce: 9 Signs You Need to Get Out (guidedoc.com)
  • Effects Of Yelling At Spouse (5+ List) | OptimistMinds


    • Last Edited: March 1, 2021
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