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Co-Parenting Disagreements

    I remember this conversation in an online women's support group I am in. The question is how do you determine which situations are worth pursuing? Even if it is going to lead to disagreements?        

    Situations, such as who gets the kids for Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning? Or are you obligated to share Christmas photos of the kids if you paid for professionals and the other parent did not financially contribute? 

    My opinion may be one of the least popular ones, but here is the point I am expressing. The heart of it goes beyond one situation co-parents may find themselves disagreeing about. And yes, I am speaking from personal experience. My soon-to-be-ex and I have had many disagreements throughout our marriage of 11.5 years and 19 months of separation. I promise, there is wisdom here. 

    One should pick which things are worth fighting over and which things are worth letting go of in the grand scheme of things. I will work on pursuing things if it is for the health, safety, and overall wellbeing of my children. Everything else can just be. I’d even say it’s essential for our own happiness and sanity. 

    When I look back on the number of disagreements, I wasted so much energy and time trying to be heard by someone who didn’t hear me. We would go in circles trying to prove our points to one another, trying to be right with very few resolutions. It left both of us unheard, feeling unloved and emotionally and mentally exhausted. 

It’s time and energy I can’t get back, that I could have spent on things I do have control over. He (or other human beings) is not one of the things I have control over. I can’t make him see or care for my perspective if he doesn’t already want to.

There’s a story about carrying a glass of water. Holding a glass of water in your hands is a task most people can do easily. We probably do it without much thought. But imagine holding that glass for more than a few seconds. More than a few minutes. Imagine holding it for hours. Could you still do it?

 Over time your arm starts to feel heavy if you stand for hours holding it. The weight does not change, but your arm starts to get tired. It might begin to feel sore or cramp. In order to free yourself from that pain, sometimes one must set that weight down. It’s not worth holding on to it all the time. 


This is the video about the glass of water story.

Youtube. Venkat Saradhi. September 16, 2019.

Last Edited: December 12, 2021

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