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The Doubt in Starting Over

Photo by Alysha Rosly on Unsplash



 The Doubt

in Starting Over

 

I often ask myself how am I going to find a new partner? I currently live in a state that does not have a lot of single members in my religion. I knew this since I was a young adult. When I was 19, I left my home state after a year of community college and went to attend Brigham Young University in Idaho. This is where I found my current spouse. Then we married, relocated to his home state, and eventually had three children together.

When I relocated back to my home state with my children for the separation, I intentionally chose a different area with a larger city to live in, because I had family in the area. In addition, I had hoped I might find more single members when the time is right.

From reading posts in online support groups, I understood for many single parents online dating seems to be the fastest way to find potential partners locally and nearby. I’ll be honest that on and off I have checked the LDS dating website, LDS Singles and LDS dating app, Mutual, and Facebook Dating several times to see what’s out there. And to see if my profile would get any attention or matches.  

But I’ve learned in even a passive role, online dating can be emotionally, financially, and mentally exhausting. Most websites and apps are not completely free. You often have to pay to see the people who like you. Or wait to see if you match with them without knowing who they are. It can be disappointing when you like and swipe but don't get any matches. You might start to think what's wrong with me? 

I found myself wondering why I would get little to no matches on the LDS dating sites as a Black woman in my area? But would get more matches on non-LDS ones. Unfortunately, there are very few single members in my area. So most men who have shown interest throughout the course of my separation in real life or through dating apps are not members of my religion.

And I begin to feel confused and question how this is all going to work itself out. How am I going to eventually marry in my faith when there aren’t a lot of single people in my religion? Am I open to dating and eventually marrying someone outside of my religion? But will that feel like I am missing out? Or settling for less? All difficult questions I am trying to answer from this in-between space I am in, in hopes I'll be more prepared when my journey can really begin.


Last Edited: March 1, 2022

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