Skip to main content

Should I Date While Separated? (2)


 Dating while Separated?

 

     My journey has been an interesting one, to say the least. I have been legally married for 13 years, 4 months, and 10 days. I have had two physical separations. One separation for 6 months followed by a one-year reconciliation. Now the second separation for 2 years. By physically separated, I mean not living in the same residence together. I also want to include that with the second separation, there is no possibility of reconciliation. 


Separation 2, Year 1

   I longed to close this chapter of my life. But I knew that a quick ending wouldn't be possible for at least 6 months, since I needed residency in my new state before I could file for divorce. I managed to survive the first year of my second separation by staying busy with my children and career. A small amount of the time, I allowed myself to browse dating apps to satisfy my curiousity about who is out there. I even tested the waters by going on a couple of hang outs.

 

Hang Out # 1

     In the beginning of my second separation, I mostly turned down a few dates here and there in person. I did say yes to a couple of hangouts that meant nothing and led to nothing. The first was with an inactive member of my religion and was more of a hang-out. We went for Smoothies. Even though he paid, he was the perfect gentleman and kept his distance. He made zero moves and the conversation never turned romantic. I was honest about being legally married, but physically separated. The vibe was more friendship. It was just nice to go out and do something. I knew when we parted after the brief outing, that it wasn't going to lead to future outings.

 

Hang Out # 2

    The second was with a guy I knew from high school. We'll call this a hang-out / date. We reconnected on Facebook and chatted a few times on the phone. I found out we had been married the same amount of time, both co-parenting with the other parent and going through a separation. At first, it was nice, because there was someone to talk to about how much separation and single parenting stinks. But the problem came, that he had been separated a bit longer and already had moved on. I had been separated for less time and was unsure of how to navigate all these changes and emotions. But it was clear we didn't know each other anymore. 

    Before heading to our hang out / date, he wanted to stop at his hotel "first". I was firm, I wasn't having sex with him. We were just getting to know each other, and a lot had changed since high school. Although he was noticeably upset and frustrated that I wasn't going to be affectionate or intimate like he expected, we were able to work past the "miscommunication".  I decided not to sleep with this guy from my past because I would have regretted making a choice out of loneliness. And to be honest, I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it. It was too soon. He did try to give me a kiss good night at the end of the evening, and I was not receptive. The first person after your spouse is a big deal and I wasn't ready to give these things away or share them with someone new. 

 

I Don't Think I'm Ready

    While I was certain in that situation that my high school acquaintance wasn't going to force himself on me, I knew I might not always be so lucky. And after that night, I made some safety rules for future dating. But one thing was starting to become clear. I quickly realized after those two encounters at 4 months and 7 months separated, that I was not ready to move on to someone new - yet.

 

Give Your Self Time

One of the reasons I knew I wasn't ready is my wedding ring. I wore my wedding ring through a good part of my first year of separation.  Even though it no longer meant what it once did, it was a part of me and my identity. After four months separated, I didn't know when to take it off. I  just knew I wasn't ready - yet. 

The second reason was when I realized I couldn't picture doing anything with a new partner because that felt awkward and uncomfortable. After 7 months of separation, I realized I wasn’t emotionally ready to be in a relationship, kiss, or be intimate with someone else. 

Once I realized that I mostly kept myself busy with starting a new career and continuing my education while taking care of my children. Thankfully, I made it through my first year of teaching. I didn't go on any more hangouts. And I tried not to stare so often at the dating apps. I knew those things would come, in time.

 

Last Edited: June 10, 2022

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Clear Blue Plus Pregnancy Test (Blue Dye)

Clear Blue Plus Pregnancy Test  with Blue Dye (+ / - ) This is what a negative looks like: Side Note: Blue dyes are often said to more frequently give false positives than pink dye. Some online boards that will tweak (alter) a pregnancy test photo to help individuals identify if the test is a faint positive or indeed negative, often will not do blue dyes.
1 comment
Read more

Frida Mom for Post Laparoscopy Care

  My Frida Mom Basket for Post-Laparoscopy Care. Why I Love the Frida Mom Line (Even Beyond Motherhood) One of the things I’ve really come to appreciate is how versatile the Frida Mom line is—not just for new moms, but for anyone recovering from abdominal surgeries, such as laparoscopies for endometriosis. After surgery, comfort and gentle care are everything. That’s where the C-section recovery underwear comes in. Even if you haven’t had a baby, the design makes sense—when you have incisions on your abdomen, you need something soft, high-waisted, and non-restrictive. These disposable underwears are a lifesaver compared to standard disposable Depends. The big difference? You can build your own pad system . Start with the underwear. Add a menstrual pad. Layer on a witch hazel perineal liner, perineal cream, or both. Attach an optional heating pad for cramping. It’s completely customizable depending on what your body needs that day. I also want to mention the liners pack...
Post a Comment
Read more

My Laparoscopy Recovery Essentials: What’s Actually Helping Me Heal

Disclaimer: Links to all the products I mentioned are included. I am not being paid to promote any of them and do not receive payments. Skin sensitivity may impact your experiences with these products. Recovering from my laparoscopy has been a journey, and honestly, some days are more uncomfortable than others. Over the past week, I’ve found a few products that have made a huge difference in how I feel—both physically and mentally. Here’s what’s been helping me get through it: 1. Body Wash That Feels Safe Before and after surgery, I wanted something gentle that still felt clean. I’ve been using Dove Antibacterial Body Wash , and it’s been perfect. It keeps the incision area clean without stinging or irritating my skin, which is such a relief.  2. Underwear That Actually Works I never thought I’d get excited about disposable underwear, but Frida Mom Disposable C-Section Underwear has been a game-changer. They’re soft, supportive, and don’t press on my stomach—exactly what ...
Post a Comment
Read more